I can’t believe Covid has outmanoeuvred our “convivial fraternal spirit”, insists Jacob Rees-Mogg

author avatar by 3 years ago

After the Speaker introduced new rules insisting MPs wear face masks in Parliament after a major covid outbreak that somehow managed to infect people despite Tory MPs being really good friends.

Just two weeks ago professional Victorian cosplayer Jacob Rees-Mogg told parliament that Conservatives didn’t wear masks in the chamber due to their convivial fraternal spirit, which he believed prevented them from catching Covid.

However, as a number of cases have been reported on the parliamentary estate, Rees-Mogg has been left baffled.

A Conservative spokesperson told us, “We have long believed it is important to listen to epidemiology experts, and to follow their recommendations on best practise to reduce the chances of infection.

“Unless those recommendations are in any way inconvenient, or if we just don’t feel like following them, in which case it is our right to disregard them in their entirety.

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“Jacob is as surprised as the rest of us that his flippant approach to mask-wearing has seen cases rise in parliament.

“Absolutely no-one could have foreseen this happening, if you ignore absolutely everyone who said this is what would happen if we didn’t wear masks.”

Meanwhile, the people who did, in fact, predict this happening are refusing to gloat, but instead are wondering if this might – just might – change the stance of a government wedded to the idea that simple harmless precautions are too much to ask.

“It would be nice to see Jacob Rees-Mogg hold his hands up and admit his previous position was wrong, but knowing how these guys work he’ll probably just deny ever saying anything about it in the first place.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the mug!