Tuesday 26 October 2021

Government performs further U-turn on willingness to perform U-turns


Boris u-turn

The government has announced a U-turn in its willingness to perform U-turns, before insisting there will be no more U-turns after their latest U-turn.

The government has announced a U-turn on plans to tighten restrictions on sewage being allowed into the nations waterways, in a move the prime minister has been quick to label “more of an O-turn than a U-turn, as we’re back facing the way we started.”

Critics have claimed the latest U-turn is a further sign that we shouldn’t trust the words of people that we already shouldn’t trust, even when they say “trust me, I mean it this time”.

Political analyst Simon Williams told us, “If you thought Boris Johnson could introduce sensible environmental policy without making a few dozen mistakes in need of retraction along the way, then you’re probably still cleverer than most people in government office.

“Clearly all he needed was all those nice people online to point out how his ill-considered policy that was based around populist nonsense was likely to kill an awful lot of animals and ruin lots and lots of beaches – oh, and to have enough room to perform a u-turn. Again.

“Of course, Tory HQ will insist this is not so much a change of mind, as the revealing of what was their original plan all along.

“But I’ll leave it up to you to determine how much of that is complete and utter bullshit.”

Health officials have welcomed the latest u-turn, insisting it will help safeguard the health of the nations environment over the coming years.

Voter Dave Michaelson told us, “This is a positive move, definitely – but I can’t help wondering what else we could get the government to perform U-turn on, now that Boris appears to finally be listening to experts.

“Christ, if he’d started listening to people five years ago we might have avoided Brexit altogether.”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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