Government insists ‘nothing to fear’ from storing state secrets with company that regular throws your stuff into your neighbours’ garden

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The government has insisted there is nothing to fear by allowing the nation’s secret services to give a huge contract to Amazon’s AWS business to be the platform to store secure information and state secrets.

The agreement, estimated by industry experts to be worth £500m to £1bn over the next decade, will see Amazon’s AWS platform be the location where all the ‘spy stuff’ is kept when it’s not being left on trains by forgetful civil servants.

However, officials have been quick to address the concerns of voters who worry that entrusting such important work to Amazon might prove to be foolish in the longer term.

A government source told us, “Everyone uses AWS these days, so why even bother looking to do something else? I mean, it’s only a billion quid to a company that does everything it can to avoid giving any money back to our exchequer – no big deal.”

Meanwhile, Amazon spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “I can assure all British people that we will take great care of your secret information, and we won’t even look at it, not even a tiny glance – we promise.  Much like we don’t look inside the packages that we so reliably deliver to you.

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“The information that you put on our platform is yours, and yours alone – you should read nothing into the fact that we sometimes throw your things over the fence into your neighbours’ recycling bin for anyone to find.

“And best of all, these secrets will be stored on a computer, and computers don’t need piss breaks. Ker-ching!”