The fallout from a number of Tory MPs voting against an amendment to the Environment Bill which sought to prevent raw effluent from being pumped into our seas and waterways has been hailed as a ‘victory’ by the UK government, as French fishermen are now avoiding our coastline like the plague. Or, dysentery.
Ross Ewage, Conservative MP for Dunny-by-the-Sea, who voted against the amendment said, “People were very keen to poo-poo my decision but they failed to see the bigger picture. Those yellow-bellied surrender-monkeys, the French, have retreated – as usual – and as a result, it appears our shores are simply teeming with fish.
“By the look of it, there are huge brown trout as far as the eye can see – and that’s a big victory for my decision to pollute our coastline. And for Brexit, as it paves the way for Britain achieving full faecal autonomy ahead of our 2045 target.”
Simone DeWilliams, a spokesman for French Fishing Association, ‘Poisson-Passion’ said, “You’ve really done it now, Britain.
“We only wanted our fair share of sole, cod, and snapper, but if we don’t withdraw, we’ll end up catching cholera and typhoid.
“Already the hulls of our boats are filthy from your Ile-de-merde and we just can’t take anymore.
“We did have the idea of using hovercrafts to float above the poo, but I think if we took that route, the shit really would hit the fan.”