Monday 25 October 2021 by Pete Redfern

Christmas not actually worth saving, study finds


Christmas is rubbish

The festive season is vastly overrated, a study has found.

With the government urging people to take all necessary steps to ‘save Christmas’ whilst doing very little towards that aim themselves, it transpires that many families would be happy for it to be a complete washout like it was when Boris Johnson shat all over it in 2020.

Researchers from the University of Reading found that 52% of a few hundred respondents surveyed would rather cancel the whole thing altogether, thereby proving that the overwhelming majority of Brits are in favour of shelving Christmas for good.

“Last Christmas was lovely, to be honest,” Simon Williams, an introvert from Basingstoke, told the researchers.

“It was just me, the missus and our two kids.

“No neighbours ‘popping round’, all the food and present shopping was done online, and there wasn’t a whiff of the in-laws; it was bliss, if I’m honest.”

He added, “I actually lost weight over last Christmas and saved a load of money, too.”

However, the government does not hold this view, as demonstrated by Health Secretary Sajid Javid who was interviewed on LBC this morning, in which he urged listeners to take responsibility for ‘saving Christmas’ upon themselves.

“Get the jab if offered it, and ensure you wear a mask at all times in crowded spaces,” he urged listeners.

“Just like we don’t.”

He went on, “We are in no way responsible for saving Christmas – you are.

“And if some of you could train to drive an HGV between now and then there will be a chance we’ll have food to eat on Christmas Day, too.”

If you still want to celebrate, why wear one of these while you do it?

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