A school bake sale has successfully raised the institution’s incidence of coronavirus by more than 200 cases.
St Jude’s Primary School in Swansea is having a funding crisis.
“The school’s financial situation is pretty desperate,” said Chair of the PTA Simon Williams.
“Last week the pupils complained that their new tablets weren’t working – it had to be explained to them that they were pieces of slate.
“Then the pupils complained that it was raining indoors – it had to be explained to them where the slate had come from.
“Then Year Six wanted to know why they were being taught by Mrs Jones the dinner lady – the truth is that qualified teachers are simply too expensive to employ.
“Some of the mums and dads have complained that their children are peeling potatoes instead of doing maths – we’ve said they’re learning pie, but the parents will soon twig what’s going on.
“Anyway, we thought we’d have a bake sale to raise some much-needed cash.
“These things are never the most hygienic events because kids tend to put their own ‘special ingredients’ into the cakes.
“Now, I’m not sure if ingesting snot and saliva can spread Covid but I’m pretty sure that a crowded school hall will do the job nicely.
“Anyway, however it happened, positive coronavirus cases among staff and pupils have gone up by over 200 since the event.
“I’ll be honest, although we were hoping to raise actual money to buy real laptops for the school, we’re so underfunded that we’ll take whatever we can get.
“With everyone self-isolating at home, the pupils will be using their own bloody computers so it will definitely help!”