The Prince of Wales is feeling a bit down after getting all excited when his mother was taken into hospital for ‘checks’.
The Queen is back at Windsor after a short hospital stay and Prince Charles is going on an emotional rollercoaster.
“When they told me that mother was being taken into hospital I must admit that I got butterflies in my tummy,” said Charles.
“Was this, finally, to be my moment?
“A few hours after the royal car picked her up, I phoned the hospital for an update – only to be told that they were still looking for a parking space.
“The tension was unbearable!
“I spent most of the day in the bathroom having excitement poos.
“I must have felt like an England fan watching a penalty shootout – knowing deep down that hopes would be cruelly dashed but unable to stop praying for a miracle.
“And then the phone rang and it was mother’s doctor – I don’t mind admitting that a little bit of wee came out.
“He said that mother was fine and she was being discharged immediately.
“As you can imagine, I was crushed. The bloody woman’s like Michael Myers – you think she’s dead but then she rises up behind you just as you weep with relief.
“I’ve never felt so depressed. Camilla doesn’t want me moping about the castle so she’s sending me out for a few drinks with my best friends.
“I’ll see if George the rhododendron and Paul the Begonia are free this evening.”