Government to ease pressure on NHS by getting people to ‘Carrousel’ when they reach the age of 30

author avatar by 3 years ago

The rite of ‘Carrousel’ is to be introduced by the British government to ensure that the NHS doesn’t become overloaded.

Further details of the government’s coronavirus ‘Plan B’ have been revealed.

“Our priority is ensuring that the NHS doesn’t crack under the pressure of too many patients this winter,” explained Health Secretary Sajid Javid.

“We are therefore introducing a fantastic scheme whereby people can be totally renewed when they reach the age of thirty.

“Basically, on someone’s 30th birthday they get put into this big spinny machine thing and get reborn as a younger version of themselves.

NewsThump Best sellers

“To onlookers, it might look a little bit like the subjects are being incinerated, but actually their bodies are getting completely renewed and they’ll get to experience the best years of their lives all over again.

“We’ll start by offering the scheme to people on benefits, low incomes or who haven’t been to university – because the Conservatives are obviously very keen to help these sections of society.

“If that’s successful, we’ll roll out to other groups such as artists, musicians and people who live in Brighton.”

In a remarkable show of compassion and generosity, the Home Secretary is even keen to Carrousel all arriving migrants, regardless of age.

He went on, “Some people will be exempt from the scheme – for example, members of the Tory Party and men who attended Eton. These people have already led extremely privileged lives and it’s high time we redistributed some of the good fortune in this country.

“Oh, and lorry drivers will also be exempt – they’re certainly not being killed, er, I mean, renewed!”