Tuesday 19 October 2021

Why won’t Brits pick vegetables for a ridiculously high and completely fictional hourly wage?


PIcking vegetables for

The Daily Telegraph is today asking why the nation’s workers are unwilling to take jobs picking fruit and vegetables for a wage that is both very good, and also completely fictional.

After a report claimed that workers could earn £30 an hour picking fruit and vegetables, those interested have quickly learned that the word ‘could’ is doing an awful lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.

However, the Telegraph has defended the article, with one sub-editor telling us, “So yes, technically, they actually get paid the national minimum wage, which is just over nine quid and hour. But then they can potentially earn extra money based on how quickly they work and how much produce they pick.

“So if you are blessed with the speed and dexterity of an MCU superhero, then yes, £30 an hour is a very realistic prospect.

“I mean, it’s piece work, so do enough pieces and technically your earnings are limitless.  If you happen to have been born with four arms like a reincarnation of Hindu god Vishnu then you could probably earn £60 an hour or more.  Shit, I should probably update the headline to say up to £60 an hour, that sounds much better.”

Unemployed 24-year-old Simon Williams told us, “£30-an-hour sounds pretty good to be honest, I’d happily work in the fields for that sort of money – but the problem is I prefer my wages to be in real amounts, not fictional or hypothetical money.

“Taking a job as a fruit picker to potentially earn £30 an hour is like joining Tinder to potentially date a supermodel.  Sure, there might be someone out there who succeeds in that ambition, but the rest of us are left at home wanking into a sock.”

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