Tuesday 19 October 2021 by Chris Ballard

Man who sympathises with Extinction Rebellion glues himself to throne


Prince Charles glues himself to throne

Prince Charles has said that he completely understands the methods deployed by Extinction Rebellion and has now glued himself to the throne, demanding to be made King.

The Prince of Wales has expressed sympathy with climate protestors Extinction Rebellion and has decided to take a leaf out of their book.

“Yes, climate change and stuff is important, but what I’ve really learned from Extinction Rebellion is that if you want something to change then you have to resort to physical disruption.

“It’s something I’ve considered in the past, but I knew that lying down in front of the royal car wouldn’t have achieved anything because father simply wouldn’t have stopped.

“But it’s been really inspiring to see how much actual change Extinction Rebellion have achieved in recent years and how popular they’ve now become with the British public.

“That’s why I’ve superglued my buttocks to the seat of the throne and I’m not bloody moving until mother abdicates!”

The Queen is not impressed.

“What the hell is it with my sons glueing themselves to things?” she asked.

“For some reason, Andrew has fastened himself to the inside of the bathroom door in Windsor Castle’s highest tower and is refusing to come out.

“And now Charles has glued himself to my throne.

“Well, at least it gives me the chance to have a little fun.”

Her Majesty filled up a watering can and poured it into a bucket right next to Charles.

“Need the loo, Charlie boy?” she cackled.

“Damn you mother!” cried Charles. “Always one step ahead!”

And then, in a metaphor for his entire existence, Prince Charles wet himself and sat there in clammy discomfort while his mother refused to go away and just stood there laughing at him.

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