Man gives himself big pat on the back for deciding on five-hour drinking session yesterday

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A man has woken up to give himself a massive pat on the back this morning, for deciding on a five-hour drinking session yesterday.

Simon Williams, who only intended on going for ‘a couple’ realised what a great decision he’d made after waking up for work this morning full of energy and joy and ready to embrace the day.

Speaking earlier he told us, “Yes, totally the right decision to stay out and drink so much yesterday, I feel bloody great.

“I was in the pub yesterday when I made the decision. I’d already had three pints and it was time for me to go, but then I had this brilliant idea to just stay out and carry on drinking with my friends.

“Well, what a great decision that turned out to be, because I feel splendid today and really excited about work. I just want to embrace the day and don’t feel tired at all and definitely don’t need to be sick.

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“I also don’t want the earth to open up and just swallow me whole to stop the terrible pain and anguish of this fucking awful morning, or anything like that, I feel amazing. Honest.”

Asked if he will be going out again next weekend to do the same he told us, “Leave me alone.”