Monday 11 October 2021 by Chris Ballard

Boris to save Christmas by writing ‘Christmas has been saved’ on a bus


Chrismas has been saved bus

The Prime Minister will ensure everyone has a happy Christmas by writing more lies on the side of a big red bus.

Christmas morning, 2021.

No presents, no food.

Grown men fight in the street over the only tub of Celebrations available within a fifty-mile radius.

But then… the roar of a Diesel engine, a flash of Christmas red… the Brexit bus is here and Christmas has been saved!

At least, that’s what it says on the side, so it must be true.

Ebenezer Scrooge throws open his bedroom window. He spots a small child happily gnawing on what remains of his pet cat’s leg.

“You boy!” shouts Scrooge. “What day is it?”

“Didn’t you see the bus, Mister? It’s Christmas! It’s been saved!”

“Quickly now, run to the market – fetch me the largest turkey you can find!”

“There ain’t no turkeys, Mister, cos of the complete breakdown of the supply chain.”

“Well then, fetch me the largest piece of coal you can find!”

“There ain’t no coal left, Mister – cos of the energy crisis.”

“Well then, fetch me the largest container of air you can find!”

“There ain’t no air left, Mister – you know, cos of Brexit!”

And with that, Scrooge, the boy, and everyone else in Britain fell down, asphyxiated.

But as they lay there choking to death, they all rejoiced – for the Brexit bus had spoken.

And it said that Christmas had been saved.

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