New Winter of Discontent will ‘level up’ the original, promises Government

author avatar by 1 year ago

Britain’s forthcoming Winter of Discontent will not be a direct sequel to the 1978 effort but will take the themes of shortages, unhappiness and death to the next level.

The 1970s was a golden age of memorable British seasons. The long, hot summer of ‘76 is a fan favourite but many critics consider 1978’s Winter of Discontent to be the true masterpiece.

There was therefore understandable concern that the Government appeared to be producing a sequel.

“Oh no, it’s not a sequel,” said Director Boris Johnson. “We thought long and hard about whether it should be, but eventually decided that a soft reboot would give us more creative freedom to fuck things up on an entirely new scale.

“Forget a piddly little strike by NHS ancillary workers! Our recklessly lax Covid guidelines will ensure that hospitals are so overstretched people will be forced to perform life-saving surgery on their loved ones using cutlery and power tools. Well, until their power gets cut off!

“Never mind a lorry drivers’ strike – we don’t have any lorry drivers to go on strike!

“We’ve also instructed all local councils to stop bin collections. There’s no particular reason for this but it’ll be a nice little nod to the original – fans love that stuff!

“Of course, we can’t control the weather but I’m confident the energy crisis will ensure that many more people freeze to death this year than in the severe conditions of late 1978.

“Actually, by Easter everyone will have forgotten about the minor inconveniences of the seventies – the perfect storm of a mishandled Brexit and a mishandled pandemic will take the Discontent to a whole new level.

“So now you know what ‘levelling up’ means!”