Don’t leave servants on standby: Jacob Rees-Mogg’s guide to reducing household bills

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With energy bills set to rocket, man of the people Jacob Rees-Mogg offers some valuable financial advice.

The energy crisis is keeping many people awake at night – how will they afford to keep up with ever-increasing household bills?

Fortunately, help is at hand in the form of some down to earth advice from the Leader of the House of Commons.

“I appreciate that not everyone can maximise their wealth by investing in overseas concerns that would do well in event of, say, Brexit,” said Mr Rees-Mogg.

“But there are a number of practical steps the ordinary working man can take in order to reduce monthly expenditure.

“Firstly, stand down your servants if you think they’re done for the day.

“I know it’s tempting to keep them on standby just in case you need an extra hot water bottle at bedtime, or you have another bowel movement and need your bottom wiped.

“But a servant on standby still has to be paid – so let them get back to their hovel for their four hours sleep.

“Secondly, only staff the rooms of your house that you regularly use.

“For example, I have just closed the north wing of my mansion and let the associated help go for the winter, realising an instant cash saving.

“Finally, if you provide food for your servants then for goodness sake stop such nonsense immediately! Simply point them in the direction of the nearest food bank – it’s not your job as an employer to ensure they are healthy.

“Well, I trust you found all that helpful. Enjoy your winter months and I genuinely hope that many of your staff survive to serve you again in summer.

“It’s so inconvenient when they die.”