Boris to announce new moon-sized space defence system to counter terrorist rebel planets

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Prime Minister Boris Johnson will today announce plans for the construction of a new moon-sized space station defence system that will have the ability to destroy entire terrorist rebel planets.

“I’m tremendously excited about this new system,” said Mr Johnson.

“It’s the most advanced system in the world. It will make us completely safe from terrorist rebel planets and immigrants crossing the ocean.

“It will also be made entirely in Britain, providing work for several British project managers and thousands of cheap, undocumented foreign workers.

“It will ensure our security and stability for ten thousand years.”

The construction of the base will begin next year in Croydon under the watchful eye of Defence Secretary Darth Ben Wallace and will be entirely operational within two years.

There are rumours that a plucky band of left-of-centre rebels have obtained the plans of the system. Many Liberal Democrats died to bring them this information, so they are expected to attempt to sabotage the construction of the base.

Darth Wallace and Boris Johnson are said to be unconcerned, though, as the rebels are made up of 46 different left-of-centre factions who hate each other far more than the government and are likely to spend more time arguing about the nature of true socialism than in destroying the most destructive force the galaxy has ever known.