Friday 1 October 2021 by Chris Ballard

Boris Johnson promises 20,000 fewer police to make women feel safer


Boris cutting back police

The Prime Minister has pledged to drastically cut the number of police officers in an effort to curb violent crime against women.

The Prime Minister has fired up the U-turn machine once more.

“I’m aware that in our 2019 manifesto we promised that we’d put 20,000 more police officers on our streets,” he said. “But then we promised a lot of things.

“It’s now become clear that the police are a rotten bunch of apples who can’t be trusted. Believe me, I should know – I’m a Tory politician who went to Eton.

“So, for anyone who feels unsafe at night, let me promise you the following.

“We will actually reduce the police force by 20,000 officers, rather than adding to the dangerous ones already roaming our streets.

“We will take down thousands of street lamps, thereby reducing the ability of predatory officers to spot potential victims. Rest assured ladies, that you will be walking in total darkness essentially invisible to rapacious eyes.

“We will also upgrade pavements in all major cities so that they’re made out of that springy stuff they use to make racetracks. This will help you run faster when you inevitably become the target of an attack.

“Finally, we will add another emergency service to the 999 function – the Police Police. Please do call them if you are ever approached by the police.

“I hope this helps. Obviously, there’s nothing we can do to actually tackle the root causes of why men act violently.”

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