Thursday 30 September 2021 by Chris Ballard

Man admits furlough was highlight of his career


Man drinking on sofa

A man has acknowledged that his career will no longer be fulfilling now that the furlough scheme has ended.

Simon Williams has been on a career-high for the past eighteen months.

“Before the pandemic, my career wasn’t really going anywhere,” said the Finance Analyst. “I’d been stagnating at the same grade for too long, knowing that I wasn’t unlocking my potential but without the energy or desire to do anything about it.

“But then furlough came along and suddenly I was happy. It was like a switch had been flicked and now here I was in my dream job.

“I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I left university and just sort of fell into a career in Finance. But at last, I’d found something I was genuinely really good at – doing bugger all.

“No longer was I living a humdrum existence of mediocrity – I honestly think I’m one of the best when it comes to eating Jammie Dodgers and wanking into socks. And the fact I was being paid to do it felt like the ultimate vindication of years of practice.

“Honestly, the appraisals I gave myself were off the charts!

“I remember one day in particular when I just lay on the bed in my pants, staring at the ceiling and ranking all the Beatles songs in my head as the spring sunshine coming through the window warmed my increasingly obese body.

“I can honestly say it was the most rewarding thing I’ve done on a Tuesday since qualifying as an accountant almost a decade ago.

“It’s such a shame I have to go back to… whatever it is I do. I think it involves numbers or something.”

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