‘Brexit going really well actually’ insists government with no fuel, energy, food, workers, border control or trade deals

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Brexit is actually going really well so far insisted the government today, as the country runs out of fuel, food, and workers, while enjoying ongoing struggles with border control and a lack of a trade deal with the US.

As drivers begin to queue outside petrol stations, before going home to their freezing houses, because they can’t afford the heating, senior government officials have insisted today that everything is going completely to plan in the country and Brexit is a roaring success.

A spokesperson for the government revealed, “Yes, things are going great. Just like we said they would.

“I mean obviously food is a LOT more expensive – if you’re lucky enough to find that there is anything left on the shelves – and it’s going to cost an absolute fortune to heat your houses over winter because energy prices are soaring.

“But other than that it’s fine. Apart from the farmers and fishermen of course, who are admittedly struggling a bit, and the hospitality sector which is totally fucked because they can’t get any workers. But at least the NHS is doing great, because of all the extra money they are getting.

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“And I think the Irish border thing is sorted now and everyone is happy with no ongoing risk to the peace process, so that’s good.

Asked if he is happy with the post-Brexit trade deals secured with the likes of the US as promised he told us, “Erm… Sovereignty”