Boris Johnson’s meeting with President Joe Biden was hailed a success after the Prime Minister managed to avoid soiling his trousers or saying anything overtly racist.
There was a last-minute panic prior to the meeting when Johnson was heard to ask “they call them ‘spooks’ over here, don’t they?”
“We prepared very carefully,” explained Johnson aid Simon Williams.
“We took him into the toilet three times in the hour before because when Boris gets excited, anything can happen.
“The EU used to think it was a negotiating technique, but the truth is he never really mastered bladder or bowel control.”
Whilst Mr Williams was confident that they would avoid any soiling issues, the race issue was a trickier one.
“The problem is that Boris thinks its fine to use words like ‘pickaninny.’
“When you put him in a room with someone like President Biden, who’s a grown-up human being, you never know what’s going to happen.”
However, there was a moment of concern.
“It was a close one there for a minute,” continued Mr Williams, who was in the meeting.
“Boris was in full flow and started talking about Black Lives Matter. I knew this was going to be a problem, and sure enough, he started trying to reach for a word for black people – ‘spoo- no, the coo- no, that’s not right either’.
“I knew there was no way that was going to end well, so I quickly smashed a water jug, that distracted everyone and Boris completely lost his train of thought.”
The meeting came to an end and, thankfully, President Biden was left with the impression that Boris Johnson isn’t a racist with bladder-control issues.
“Yes, went as well as can be expected. Although as soon as Boris got in the car, he got terribly over-excited and soiled himself before asking if we could get one of their ‘dark chappies’ to clean it up.
“Still, that’s Boris!”