Monday 20 September 2021

‘I’m glad the government is helping the struggling energy companies’ insists man losing £20 a week in Universal credit


Family on universal credit

A man about to lose £20 a week in Universal Credit has spoken of his delight at the government’s decision to help the energy companies who made hundreds of millions of pounds in profit last year.

Simon Williams an unemployed father of three who was made redundant three months before the first lockdown and has unsurprisingly been unable to find work since, told us, “I’m a big believer in the saying ‘we’re all in this together’.

“That’s why if me foregoing £20 a week in benefits – which I’d only waste on food for the kids anyway – can be used to protect the dividends of all those worried investors with portfolios a bit heavy in the energy sector, the so be it.

“I mean, I’m already going to be paying higher bills to them, but a little extra help from the government is always nice. I can’t imagine what it must be like for them at the moment, not knowing where their next quarterly dividend payment is coming from.

“I’m sure if it was the other way round, and they were making millions and millions in profits while I was struggling to feed my children, they would be the first in the queue to offer us a helping hand, right?

“Right?”

Meanwhile, energy executives have breathed a huge sigh of relief, insisting it wasn’t their fault that they hadn’t prepared their businesses for the possibility of wholesale price rises.

Energy company board member Derek Walden Smythe told us, “We’ve done very little to protect ourselves from the vagaries of the wholesale energy markets, but then again, why would we? Why should we invest heavily in achieving energy independence when we know that any time the going gets tough the government will bail us out anyway?

“Honestly, this job is a piece of piss.”

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