The hit show Crimewatch, which ran for thirty-three series because Brits enjoy committing crimes so much, is to make a return to TV next year, but following new government guidance, the programme will be renamed to make it more patriotic.
Following the revelation yesterday that the government plans to force broadcasters to make shows ‘distinctively British’, the makers of Crimewatch were forced to agree to a rebranding if the show was ever to air again.
Government spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “Crimewatch is a long-established show on the BBC and has enthralled, scared and entertained people in equal measures for decades.
“However, it never felt truly ‘British’ because it is based on the concept of encouraging members of the public to grass people up to the police, which is just not cricket.”
He went on, “By rebranding it as ‘The Great British Crimewatch’, it fosters a sense of togetherness and unity, and the rebranding will also include lovely bunting around the studio, just like there is on Bake Off.
“The show will start with the national anthem, as will soon be compulsory on all TV shows, and will end with footage of those criminals who were caught following the previous week’s episode being put to death by hanging.”
Smiling, he concluded, “And you can’t get more quintessentially British than that, can you?”