Thursday 16 September 2021 by Pete Redfern

Liz Truss spends first morning as Foreign Secretary trying to locate Azkaban, Narnia and Mordor on a map

Liz Truss new foreign secretary

Britain’s new Secretary of State for Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Affairs has spent the morning poring over a world atlas, according to Whitehall insiders.

After her appointment as Foreign Secretary yesterday, Liz Truss immediately rushed off to Waterstones to purchase a copy of the Usborne Children’s Picture Atlas, which she was confident would help her in her new role.

“I had always thought that the ‘Foreign Secretary’ would have to be, you know, someone foreign,” she told staff, giggling with delight.

“But, no, it turns out you can be British and do the job. Which I guess explains why everyone who has ever been Foreign Secretary has been British, thinking about it.”

She went on, “So then I googled what the job was, as I have no idea, and apparently, it’s all about dealing with people in other countries around the world, and I thought to myself ‘Liz, you need to learn where some of these other places are!’, so I went and bought an atlas.

“You never know, one day I might be called upon to visit Azkaban to negotiate the release of captured Tory donors that we gave PPE contracts to.

“Or I might have to visit Narnia to investigate why their climate is so changeable, or even fly to Mordor to learn how their citizens developed a more sophisticated and compassionate society than ours, and this illustrated children’s atlas should help me find the way.”

One insider told us that the new Foreign Secretary spent the next three hours colouring in the atlas before stopping for an early lunch.

The Cabinet of Arseholes – now with 100% more Liz Truss!

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