Government to delay announcement of any Christmas lockdowns, until everyone’s works Christmas party is booked

author avatar by 3 years ago

The government has revealed today that the announcement of any ‘last resort’ Christmas lockdowns will be delayed, at least until everyone’s work Christmas party has been booked.

As the government looks to detail its ‘plan B’ for winter to deal with the pandemic, health secretary Sajid Javid has confirmed today that any decision on a potential winter lockdown throughout the month of December will not be made until everyone has booked and paid for a lavish Christmas party.

Speaking earlier he revealed, “Yes, we are going to wait until everyone’s plans are made and spring it on you in December, probably the night before.

“Everyone knows that we don’t like to give anyone any notice whatsoever before completely disrupting their lives.

“That’s why this year, despite having considerable warning of how infections and hospital rates are going to go, with daily infection data now available, we have decided to just wait and see what happens and let everyone do what they want.

NewsThump Best sellers

“That way we can make a rash and panicked decision in the first week of December, to close all hospitality just when everyone has paid millions of pounds in deposits to book out Christmas venues for work parties and events.”

Asked if it might be more beneficial to put some measures in place now, to avoid the inevitable increase over winter which could put more lives at risk we were told, “No, we’re going to wait and see, as usual.”

The Cabinet of Arsholes – see the full range here!