Tuesday 14 September 2021 by Neil Tollfree

‘Just don’t get sick’ – Government confirms plans to manage Covid during winter

winter plans for Covid

The Government have confirmed their plan to manage Covid during the winter period. They will be asking everyone to not get sick.

“The problem with Covid comes when people get sick,” explained lunatic and Health Secretary Sajid Javid as he ate a hearty lunch of fava beans and a nice Chianti with some form of meat.

“So, if everyone does their best not to get sick, then we should be able to manage Covid perfectly well this winter.

“The problem with the last eighteen months has been people just not trying hard enough to not get sick, and that puts pressure on the economy and on the NHS. So, what we’re looking for is a little more effort from the Great British people to not get sick and then I think we’ll be fine.”

143-year-old Tory supporter Sir Simon Cholmondy-Williams is a landowner and human trafficker from Kent. He supported the plans.

“Too many bally layabouts happy to get Covid just so they can spend a week in a nice comfy hospital bed having someone else breath for them. Bally disgrace, the lot of them.

“The lower orders need to give something back to this country for a change, and not getting Covid is the bally least they can do.”

Whilst there have been some concerns that the Government’s plans will not prove robust enough to really prevent any sort of Covid crisis this winter, most people aren’t terribly worried as the plans will almost certainly change at least once before the end of the day and then twice again before the weekend.

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