Monday 13 September 2021 by Arabin Patson

Border Force agents on jetskis set to challenge real estate agents in Audis for 2021 Prick Awards


jetskis for border force

The long dominance of the Prick Awards by property salespeople in German sedans, could finally end this year after the Home Office decided to put chubby closet racists in blackshirts on watercraft usually associated with inexplicably wealthy idiots from Florida.

In a press release, the Piers Morgan Foundation, who awards the coveted prize each year, said that a xenophobe on a silly boat might be what it takes to finally dethrone arrogant tossers in A4s who think walking around a home while pointing at features is a skill.

It went on, “Border Force agents, who have all passed the gruelling recruitment process of failing to join the police, have long been seen as pricks by air passengers watching them lean against the wall at Heathrow with their fat arms folded in front of their chests. But their lack of mobility has meant they are only despised for the few hours spent in immigration queues.

“However, now Priti Patel has put them on jetskis, a ridiculous watercraft that thinks pretending to be the motorbike of the seas will help disguise the fact that it’s so poorly designed it will see you get soaking wet even on a lake. Also, making it their sole mission to drown desperate refugees means that everyone knows whoever’s driving one is a prick of the worst kind.”

“But will it be enough to beat someone who parks his 4 ring cuntmobile in a disabled spot because he had to ‘urgently’ tell someone who just got an inheritance that they could get a tidy income by dividing a family home into 12 tiny cramped cells rented out to key workers for £1500 a month?

“What a time to be a twunt!”

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