Sunday 12 September 2021 by Chris Ballard

Royal rift as Queen celebrates victory of teenage girl in a US court


Queen celebtrating teenage girls victory in a US Court

Prince Andrew and the Queen have fallen out over last night’s tennis result.

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has posted a TikTok video showing her shouting, ‘Get the fuck in!’ as Emma Raducanu clinched victory in the final of the US Open.

The Queen later Tweeted, “Young girls shouldn’t be afraid to go to a court, face their opponents and claim the victory their campaigns deserve. She’s waited a long time for this, but she will feel justice was done tonight.”

Her Majesty’s celebrations have not gone down well with her least favourite son, Prince Andrew.

“I can’t believe mother is such a big fan of teenage girls succeeding in their long-fought battles,” he semaphored from Windsor Castle’s highest tower (because he’s not taking any fucking chances).

“I don’t think those young women – and they were definitely women with their own agency who hadn’t been pressured into anything – should have been allowed to go to a US court in the first place.

“The place for that kind of skimpy costume is a pool party, probably one with a very select list of attendees and a ban on photographers.

“I personally didn’t enjoy the match at all – afterwards I had terrible nightmares about seeing multiple teenage girls in a US court.

“Although that Hawkeye does seem useful – I suppose we could all benefit from hearing some sort of alarm when we cross the line.

“Anyway, Raducanu should never have even won – my legal team inform me that she didn’t actually serve successfully.”

Additional material by Dan Sweryt.

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