Post-Brexit shortage of water treatment chemicals leaves promised ‘sunlit uplands’ covered in sewage

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As the government confirmed a post-Brexit shortage of water chemicals could see water companies given permission to put untreated sewage into the open water system, early reports indicate Brexit’s ‘sunlit uplands’ are already starting to smell of shit.

The move comes in response to problems in the chemical supply chain caused by the lorry driver shortage and associated post-Brexit red tape.

A government spokesperson told us, “Yes, Brexit’s sunlit uplands may well temporarily be a place where you don’t want to do any open water swimming – but this is just a blip.

“Please don’t let the Project Fear brigade try and tell you that this means Brexit is a disaster, just because the very thing we promised would be ‘great’ after Brexit now stinks of human excrement.

“The sunlit uplands are still there; they just happen to have a small veneer of shit all over them at the moment. Which admittedly isn’t great when the weather is nice and it’s making it all warm and ripe.

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“But rest assured, this government promises to put everything right, and if there is one thing you can trust, it’s a promise made by this government.


Meanwhile, sunlit uplands resident Simon Williams told us, “I bought a little place here on the advice of Andrea Leadsom and frankly, it’s been bloody awful.  It’s bad enough that the supermarkets are almost empty, but now you can’t even hang your washing out on a sunny day due to the whiff of turds.

“I’m beginning to think Mrs Leadsom didn’t have the faintest fucking clue what she was talking about.”

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