Wednesday 8 September 2021

Man genuinely thought he was done peeling clammy testicles from inner thigh for another year


man sweaty testicles

The late summer heatwave has led to a local man having to peel his clammy testicles from his inner thigh in a move he had considered over for another year.

Every summer, Simon Williams, 48, finds himself repeatedly peeling his sweaty testicles away from the skin on his upper thigh, and rather than wear better underwear that would prevent this happening, he simply counts the days until it no longer happens to him.

“The early summer heatwave was horrific,” he told us.

“I was peeling those bad boys away from my leg what felt like every few minutes.  Each passing year they get a little bit lower, and little bit free-er, and apparently a little more adhesive.

“I was hugely relieved when the actual summer was pretty cool. I genuinely thought I was done for the year, and then, this bloody week arrived.

“Twenty-eight degrees in September is not natural, I shouldn’t be pulling my plums off my leg after the schools have gone back. It’s not right.”

Meanwhile, Williams’ wife Tracey told us, “Oh, he’s an absolute delight, isn’t he?

“You should hear the sound effects he uses when he peels them away in the hot weather.  You’d think he was twelve years old.

“It’s the main reason we don’t host any barbecues in the summer. I couldn’t bear the shame.”

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