Friday 3 September 2021 by Pete Redfern

Liz Truss hoping to secure lucrative trade deal with Afghanistan selling British pork to the Taliban

Liz Truss Taliban deal

The Secretary of State for International Trade has today confirmed that she is seeking to strike a trade deal with the new government of Afghanistan.

Just one day after announcing a trade deal with Mexico that will see Britain export millions of pounds of pork to Mexico in return for a bottle of tequila and three novelty sombreros, Liz Truss is hopeful that the notion of British pork will be equally well received by the militant Islamists who have assumed control of Afghanistan.

“This is a very exciting day for the British pork market and trade in general,” she grinned to reporters this morning, proudly holding a pork joint aloft.

“Although we cannot officially recognise the Taliban as the government of Afghanistan on account of all the horrendous and barbaric acts, this kind of exciting, new, emerging country is exactly who we want to strike up long-lasting partnerships with.”

Putting down the pork joint and balancing an uncooked gammon steak on her head she went on, “And if I know anything about the Taliban at all, it’s that after a hard day of beating up women and summarily executing anyone who disagrees with them, they like nothing better than a good old bacon sarnie, and nothing beats British bacon in that sarnie.

“If you’re reading this, Taliban, please get in touch and I’m sure we can strike up a great deal.”

However, Dominic Raab, the soon to be fired Foreign Secretary urged caution in the matter, saying, “I don’t think we should rush into a deal with Afghanistan, as we don’t yet know exactly where it is, and there’s a fair chance it won’t be as close as France turned out to be.”

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