ABBA announce new Tory Party Conference soundtrack

author avatar by 3 years ago

Fans of ABBA are incredibly excited as the group is about to release its first Tory Party Conference soundtrack in forty years.

Ever since Margaret Thatcher bounded onto a Blackpool stage in 1975 to the tune of SOS, the name ABBA has been synonymous with the Conservative Party Conference.

‘Nothing else can save me, SOS,’ sang the Swedes, cueing up the new Conservative leader to start her speech with the words, “Don’t worry Britain, I WILL save you!”

It was an iconic moment and the start of an incredibly successful collaboration between ABBA and the Tories that lasted throughout the seventies and into the early eighties.

“Eyebrows were raised when Thatcher commissioned ABBA to write soundtracks,” said Political Historian Simon Williams.

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“But the band’s breakthrough 1976 Conservative Party Conference soundtrack ‘Arrival’ proved that the Tories were onto a good thing.

“It’s widely acknowledged that the complex solo cha-cha routine Thatcher performed in Bournemouth that year to the tune of Dancing Queen (woefully homaged by Theresa May years later) cemented her in the collective British consciousness as a viable Prime Minister.

“By the time 1979 rolled around, the woman who would soon become known as The Iron Lady was strutting around in a cone bra to Voulez Vous, thrusting her pelvis at the intoxicated, screaming Party Conference crowd.

“With hindsight, Labour’s near two decades in the political wilderness seemed almost inevitable.

“And so it is with great excitement that fans of both ABBA and the Tories greeted the news that the Swedish supergroup will be releasing another Conservative Party Conference soundtrack this autumn.

“The first new song to be revealed, ‘I Still Have Faith in You’ seems to address the Tory faithful who’ll continue to vote for the party despite an endless stream of lies, scandals and colossal fuck ups.

“The big question is – have ABBA written a catchy uptempo number to which Boris can dance?”

“Of course, it was the first thing we wrote for the project,” said ABBA’s Benny Andersson.

“It’s called ‘Lying King’ – ‘You can lie, you can mislead, taxpayers funding your greed…’

“I’m quietly optimistic it’ll be number one!”