Jacob Rees-Mogg puts forward ‘A Modest Proposal’ to end food shortages

author avatar by 3 years ago

Jacob Rees-Mogg, leader of the House of Commons and ominous scarecrow in Hammer horror films, has circulated a roadmap to end food shortages which was praised by Tory backbenchers but also brought forward accusations of plagiarism.

Simon Despenser-Williams, a ruddy-cheeked MP from a constituency that is still fuming about the fox hunting ban, supported his colleague and asserted that whatever the proposal was, it was surely a brilliant show of common sense.

“Obviously, I haven’t had time to read in full because I have to get drunk on sherry with local vicars but I will certainly give it my full support.

“From what my researcher told me, it focuses on getting food to those that need it most but is also bringing about social changes and empowering the lowest paid in our workforce. She also said it vehemently rejected the failed policies of taxing the wealth creators or criticising Thatcherite attitudes.”

Mr Despenser-Williams strongly rejected the criticism from opposition figures who said the proposal was just another recycled idea from the conservative back catalogue that Jacob Rees-Mogg was trying to present as innovative thinking.

“Lefty tosh from the usual Wokerati. Next you’ll surely be claiming that once again the heartless tories are trying to use a national crisis as a distraction cover bring some heinous policy that screws over the poor. It is a completely original work and is in tune with the idea of levelling up the blue wall. And I’m certainly not saying that because CCHQ sent me media notes this morning.

“Anyway, it’s coming on lunchtime and I’m hungry. Fancy some fricasse or perhaps a ragout?”