Saturday 28 August 2021 by Chris Ballard

Government facing critical shortage of drivers to spread their lies on big red buses


Driver shortages nothing to do with Brexit

The British government is experiencing severe disruption in its distribution of falsehoods due to a lack of qualified bus drivers.

In the heart of Westminster, hidden between the grand buildings of Whitehall and largely unnoticed by the throngs of tourists, lies a bus depot.

Inside, dozens of large red buses sit – driverless, stranded, useless.

Their sides are adorned with a variety of slogans – things like, ‘Food shortages are all Covid’s fault’ and ‘350m new hospitals are being built every week.’

But without drivers to spread these statements around the country, how will the electorate be deceived by such nonsense?

“The supply chain is completely broken,” said the Government’s Head of Logistics, Simon Williams.

“Cabinet ministers are still coming up with excellent lies but there’s just no way to deliver them to customers.

“For example, last week the Foreign Secretary told everyone that he couldn’t have gone paddleboarding in Crete because the sea was closed. A brilliant slice of utter bollocks, even by Tory standards.

“We immediately wrote ‘The sea was closed’ on the side of one of our lie buses – but without a driver, the fabrication didn’t take hold within the public imagination. Raab’s utterance simply made him even more of a laughing stock.

“If we don’t find a solution soon there’s a real risk that people will start relying on facts and then this Government will be finished!

“Of course, the driver shortage is all because of Brexit – we just don’t want people to know that.

“Better get a bus out, quick!

“Oh, shit…”

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