Friday 27 August 2021 by Arabin Patson

Man forced to admit he’s past it after Youtube algorithm recommends he watch some Top Gear


man on laptop unhappy with YouTube recommendations

Simon Williams, a 43-year-old English teacher, has seen his illusions of being in touch with the zeitgeist brutally shattered after Youtube told him they think he’d like the cultural equivalent of elasticated trousers and a rant about the price rise of chocolate Freddos.

Mr Williams explained, “I knew I was getting on in years but I hoped I could still go to a concert of a new band without people assuming I’m either a pervert or a venue manager.

“But metrics don’t lie. If YouTube thinks I should be looking at people with one-dimensional personalities pretending to build a hovercraft to cross Mongolia, then there must be a reason. I’m now officially a relic of a bygone era whose only connection to cultural evolution is how much of an impediment I am to it.”

Mr Williams admitted he was not completely surprised with his new status.

“Truth be told, I have only myself to blame. Sure, I like to listen to Bosnian Two-Tone and watch documentaries on genderqueer surfers but my social media habits are becoming rather Daily Telegraph.

“My last discussion on Facebook was an argument about expensive staycations where I felt the need to post a 300-word rant about our long weekend in Torquay complete with furious descriptions of the poor cutlery at the AirBnB. I also spend a lot of time learning about compost.

“I wasn’t always like this, you know. My left nipple is pierced and I once snogged the bass player from Elastica.

“Well, I guess I’ll just go watch some wrinkled creature compare an Italian hypercar to Sofia Loren then convert my shed into something I’ll tragically call a man cave.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: