Chelmsford man unsure where to apply for Tory donor to pay for his new conservatory

author avatar by 3 years ago

A Chelmsford man has been left confused by the process he needs to go through to apply for a Tory donor to cover the costs of his new conservatory.

Simon Williams had a new conservatory fitted in June, but it turned out to be more expensive than he expected and so decided to take up the option of having a leading Tory donor pay for it.

“I’ve been on the Government website, and it’s really unclear,” said Mr Williams.

“I mean, there must be a standard procedure that you go through to get a prominent Tory donor to pay for your building work, or else how would Boris have been able to do it, but I just can’t find anything on the website.”

Since the revelation that Lord Brownlow paid for Boris’s flat redecoration, Mr Williams has tried to make direct contact.

NewsThump Best sellers

“He doesn’t want to take my call,” continued Mr Williams.

“I think that might be because he thinks I want him to pay for the conservatory, and I don’t. I mean, not unless he wants to. I just want him to point me to the official process you go through to get a Tory donor to pay for works being completed on your property. He must have been through it. That’s all I need.”

Mr Williams is getting increasingly desperate about the situation.

“I really need to get this sorted. The conservatory company is getting really quite insistent about their invoice, and unless I can find out how to apply for a Tory donor to pay it then I’m going to have to pay it myself.

“Which, as I understood it, we don’t need to do anymore.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – see the full range here!