Post-Brexit fishing dispute resolved after EU convinces Dominic Raab that the sea is closed Monday to Friday

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The previously unresolved post-Brexit fishing dispute between the UK and the EU is finally over after EU negotiators convinced Dominic Raab at the sea is now closed on weekdays.

With tensions still running high with regard to who can fish where, for how long, and for what species of fish, the Foreign Secretary has stepped in to put an end to the dispute once and for all.

“A jolly nice fellow from the EU told me that the sea where they do their fishing is actually closed from Monday to Friday, so in a masterstroke of political manoeuvring  I managed to secure exclusive rights for UK fishermen to use the sea ALL weekend.

“Those EU idiots didn’t even see it coming, I mean, WHEN do they think they’re going to do any fishing? It’s closed all week and then at the weekend it can only be used by us.  The Brussels-based idiots.

“This is truly another masterstroke brought to you by the architects of Brexit, and yes, you are all very welcome.”

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However, an EU spokesperson told us, “Please can we negotiate with Mr Raab more often?

“I’m not saying it’s easy to get what you want from a man who thinks the sea can be ‘closed for business’, but I honestly had a much harder time negotiating bedtime with my four-year-old.

“We’re beginning to wonder if your Brexit bus should have simply had to words ‘We give the EU too much control, let’s get a bunch of morons to run the country instead’.”

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