An anti-vaxxer is refusing to eat today after reading about the dangers of choking on the Internet.
Simon Williams, 45, ‘did his research’ after almost choking on a breakfast bagel at approximately 7:30am this morning.
After a full eleven minutes spent becoming an expert in choking, he told us, “Did you know that thousands and thousands of perfectly healthy people choke on food every year, and hundreds of these people die – but the mainstream media won’t tell you that, obviously. That’s because they’re all in the pockets of the food industry so will only ever tell you about ‘nutrients’, ‘fibre’ and ‘calories’ and all the other food propaganda buzzwords.
“Did you know the food industry is worth trillions of dollars a year, literally trillions of dollars – and all they want us to do is keep putting their products in our mouths without question? No chance, not now I know the truth. I’m sure it also won’t surprise you to learn George Soro has millions invested in the food industry.
“Did you know more people died from choking in the UK than died from malnutrition, and because I’m demonstrably very good at evaluating risk, that means I’m much safer not eating anything at all.”
Williams went on to criticise the propaganda sent out by ‘big food’, telling us, “The food producers will tell you that without food you can get scurvy – yet do you know anyone who has ever had scurvy? Of course you don’t, because they don’t exist – it’s just the food industry wants you to live in fear of a thing that has basically zero chance of killing you.”
However, he did offer a conciliatory tone towards those who choose to eat food, explaining, “If your personal choice is to expose yourself to the obvious and demonstrable risk of choking, then that’s up to you – and I’m sure for some people it does prevent starvation, but you couldn’t pay me enough to take another mouthful of that deadly stuff.”