As women in Afghanistan are forced to wear burkas, the Prime Minister can’t understand why the Taliban is rapidly expanding its snail mail infrastructure.
While the world looks on in horror at the recent events in Afghanistan, Boris Johnson squints at the footage emerging from Kabul and tries to wrap his little brain around what appears to be a truly bizarre phenomenon.
“I’ve heard lots of things about this Taliban lot,” said Mr Johnson.
“Women having no rights, not being allowed an education and whatnot – even some less sensible things.
“But what they mainly seem to be doing is creating thousands and thousands of letterboxes.
“I understand that they’re primitives and have to communicate in very traditional ways, but do they really need quite so many places to post letters? Surely one per street would suffice? Maybe even one on either side of the road?
“Someone asked me yesterday what I thought the post-withdrawal issues would be in Afghanistan. Doesn’t seem like they’re withdrawing the post at all – quite the opposite, in fact!
“Frankly, I’m amazed so many of them can read and write!
“Tell you what – I don’t think our state-of-the-art intelligence services have much to worry about if the Afghaniwanis have to coordinate terrorist attacks by post. Not in this age of satellites, drones and er, Candy Crush.”
The prime minister summoned his Private Secretary.
“Er, you… boy! Cancel all COBRA meetings for the next three years. Britain seems pretty bloody safe to me!
“Best transfer Gove to the mailroom though, just in case.”