Taliban officials are on the verge of exhaustion after writing thank-you notes to the American government for the generous gifts they have left for them across Afghanistan.
Abdul Ghani Baradar explained that as part of the new regime’s attempt to change their perception on the International stage, fighters are being encouraged to write thank-you notes for every piece of equipment left for them by the Americans.
Abdul-Alim Ahmadi, a 21-year-old fighter from the Ghazni province, told us, “My English is not so good, so I simply wrote, ‘Dear Joe Biden, thank you for my M16 assault rifle, it is nice and shiny and shoots very very good. I am very happy. Thank you so much!’
“I would have written more, but I had to go and round up some former government officials.”
Others were more effusive in their thanks, with one note saying, “Dear America, thank for you my new UH-60 Blackhawk helicopter! Is this what Christmas is like for you Godless infidels?! It’s almost enough to make me consider converting to your godless ways. Well, almost – I mean, I don’t need to convert now, I already have the helicopter. Anyway, thank you!”
Taliban strategists hope that the thank you notes will start the world’s new relationship with the Taliban on the right foot, and could go some way towards the International community turning a blind eye to some of the less pleasant aspects of their interpretation of Islamic law.
Taliban leader Abdul Ghani Baradar went on, “All in all, the US spent something like £83bn on military equipment for the Afghan army, which we now control, so I would like to place on record my enormous thanks to George Bush, Barack Obama, Donald Trump and Joe Biden, because it would have taken us an awfully long time to become this well-equipped on our own.”