Tuesday 17 August 2021 by Davywavy

Taliban crushed as NATO deploys fifty battalions of armchair generals to Kabul


Armchair generals on way to Afghanistan

An outpouring of military expertise online yesterday has allowed the United Nations to raise an unprecedented number of armchair general battalions to spearhead the relief of Kabul.

As experts in logistics, forward planning and tactics took to social media to explain why they were right, UN Peacekeeping forces were delighted that so many were volunteering to sign up and take the fight to liberate Afghanistan.

Early reports that at tens of thousands – at least – of military experts were stationed at their keyboards ready to strike at a moment’s notice, and all these previously unknown experts are expected to report for duty today.

“Actually, I think I’ve got a lot to contribute to any military operation,” said Twitter Brigadier-General Simon Williams.

“I spent most of the years 1997-201o deployed in a series of gruelling operations against the Brotherhood of Nod in several theatres of operations, and more recently I’ve developed considerable tactical deployment skills whilst beating people to death with a hammer-shaped like a unicorn on Fortnite.

“I have been given overall command of UN Peacekeeping forces after my posts yesterday displayed what I have to offer, including summarising my deep insight into Taliban planning and strategy with the phrase LOL in the comments threads of several news reports.

“With me manning a keyboard and firing my opinions indiscriminately, I expect the new unfriendly government to fall within days.”

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