Absolutely everybody is to watch Morecambe and Wise until they learn to laugh together again.
Following increased racial tension, mass shootings, murders and the resurgence of the Taliban in Afghanistan, planet earth has reached a crisis point.
“So we’re all going to watch that bit where Eric and Ernie make breakfast to the tune of The Stripper,” confirmed UN spokesperson, Simon Williams.
“And when I say ‘we all’, I mean literally everyone. We are going to beam it across the sky over every country across the globe until everyone stops snarling at each other and laughs at Des O’Connor instead.”
Citizen, Jay Cooper, said, “I tried being angry while watching Morecambe and Wise once, but it’s just impossible.
“I was watching the telly and getting all angry about the covidiots and post-Brexit food shortage, but then a government broadcast interrupted with the Eric and Ernie skit with Andre Previn, and I just felt nothing but joy and love for absolutely everything.
“Then they sang Bring Me Sunshine, which is probably an entirely appropriate song given everything that’s happening.
“I hope someone can sit Priti Patel down with a box set and show her how joyous life could be – then she might stop being such a bitch to everyone.”