Thursday 12 August 2021 by Davywavy

Tom Hardy encouraged to make a film where you can understand a word he f***ing says for once


Tom Hardy mumbling

Hollywood heart-throb and award-winning mumbling actor Tom Hardy has been encouraged to extend his range and make a film or two where the audience can make out a single thing he f***ing says.

Hardy, whose acting history includes a downright incoherent gangster in Peaky Blinders, a muffled villain in Batman, a man who communicates entirely in grunts in Taboo and plenty more frankly unintelligible characters, has not yet responded to the suggestion that he opens his mouth to deliver his lines once in a while.

However, Hollywood’s finest scriptwriters are concerned by the suggestions, as that would result in audiences actually hearing the stuff they’ve written.

“Tom Hardy is so sexy because he plays a huge range of characters, all of whom are men who don’t actually say anything which is my favourite sort,” said Tom Hardy fan Simone Williams.

“On the one hand it’d be lovely to see him prove his detractors wrong by making a single word of the script coherent, but on the other hand, I’m worried he’d just turn out to be talking claptrap like all the other men in my life and that would destroy the magic.”

When asked, Hardy replied, “Ughuh dmnuh yuh, buh ruddah mnugh. Whuvuh suh thuh zuh furruh snuhduhluh.”

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