‘We’re only paying him €150 per week, honest’ insist PSG owners

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Paris Saint Germain have confirmed today that new addition to their squad, Lionel Messi, will only actually be paid about €150 per week, in order to comply with the Financial Fair Play rules that they take ever-so seriously.

With news emerging that Messi has now agreed a deal to join the club, which already has stars such as Neymar, Ramos, Di Maria and Mbappe on their payroll, owners of the club have moved swiftly to explain any suspicions of financial irregularities by insisting that Messi will only actually be earning €150 per week, with maybe €30 in performance-related add ons.

Speaking earlier, chairman Nasser Al-Khelaifi confirmed, “It’s all above board don’t you worry, all the sums definitely add up. We did it on a calculator and everything.

“We are only going to be paying him €150 per week, so it’s fine. Honestly. With no offshore bank accounts or anything and no dodgy payments whatsoever, so it’s all completely within the rules.

“Obviously we have a rather large wage bill already, considering we buy absolutely anyone we fancy, and pay them whatever they want, despite being in a shite league that nobody really cares about.

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“So we have had to negotiate quite a low wage in order to get Messi to come to the club legally, and within the FFP rules.

“But thankfully he has agreed to play for the minimum wage, because he loves the club so much, and that’s all that we will be paying him, definitely.”

Asked how Messi will be paid, and if there is potential for any significant add-ons. he told us “Cash. All cash. And it’s possible we might buy him a brand new palace, every other week.”