Monday 9 August 2021 by Mark Molloy

‘We needed £100k pictures to cover that ghastly wallpaper’ insists Boris Johnson


Boris and carrie pictures and wallpapers

Boris Johnson has insisted today that he and his wife Carrie definitely needed two pictures costing £100,000 to cover the ghastly wallpaper at Downing Street.

With news emerging this morning that Number 10 spent almost £100,000 on just two paintings, just as Boris Johnson planned to cut benefits for millions of families across the UK, the Prime Minister has moved to defend his position this morning insisting that the paintings were absolutely necessary to cover the disgustingly cheap wallpaper his wife was forced to buy.

Speaking earlier he told us, “It’s money very well spent if you ask me.

“We needed to pay over £100,000 on two paintings for the house, to cover up that ghastly £840 a roll wallpaper which we bought last year, which is frankly quite disgusting – have you seen it?

“If we are forced to have to put up with cheap shite wallpaper at less than £1,000 per roll, then I think it’s only fair we get to cover it up with some slightly more expensive paintings, so we don’t have to look at it.

“Obviously some people could argue that the paintings are a little too pricey to justify the cost, but Carrie disagrees, and let’s face, it what she says goes around here.”

Asked if they have any plans for further paintings to be purchased we were told, “Well, the new nursery is definitely going to need brightening up, with a couple of Banksy originals perhaps?”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the updated version here!

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