We’re allowing Russia to compete after being banned from the Olympics because we don’t want murdering, IOC confirms

author avatar by 2 years ago

After coming under pressure to explain the decision to allow Russia to compete in the Olympics despite being banned for huge amounts of doping, the International Olympic Committee has revealed the decision was taken because none of them wanted murdering.

As Russian athletes with hugely dilated pupils racked up an impressive medal tally, members of the committee told reporters that, all things considered, it was a small price to pay to avoid falling out of a window or dying of radiation poisoning after using the wrong teabag.

“Yes, they’re competing under the banner of the ROC rather than Russia, but they’re OK with that as history shows the Russians are entirely fine with carrying out false flag operations,” said IOC Supervisor Simon Williams.

“So we’ve got people pretending not to represent Russia showing up and competing, but if we hadn’t let them we’d have had people pretending not to represent Russia showing up and throwing a radio in my bath.”