Tuesday 3 August 2021 by Chris Ballard

A&E overtakes M25 as Britain’s favourite day out


A&E Day out

Visiting A&E is now a more popular way for Brits to spend ten hours than sitting in stationary traffic on the M25.

In the sixties it was Beatles vs Stones, in the nineties it was Blur vs Oasis. Today’s great popularity contest is A&E vs M25 – and after years of steadily gaining ground, the congested hospital department has finally taken the lead.

“I’ve always said that quality will out,” said delighted A&E Consultant Simon Williams.

“A decade ago all the talk was about that blasted M25 and how it was so in demand that more lanes would have to be built.

“But now the narrative is nightmarish hospital waiting times, the sick being forced to travel to A&E departments in far away towns, and the elderly dying on the floor before they’ve even been triaged… it’s gratifying that our superior product is finally being recognised.

“We offer everything the M25 does – sitting still for hours with no idea how long you’ll be waiting or why other people seem to be moving faster than you – but we add in pain, fear, and broken vending machines that just eat your money.

“Whatever you think of the Tories, we couldn’t have done it without them. We gained a lot of ground during austerity and then the woefully mishandled pandemic response finally pushed us to the top of the charts!”

The National Trust – a distant third in the best day out contest – has decided to take on A&E by offering new events and services. The latest involves visitors getting locked in the pitch-black basement of a stately home for days while intermittently getting shot at by gamekeepers.

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