Sunday 1 August 2021

Branches of Costa on verge of becoming entirely arsehole-free


Costa Coffee

Coffee chain Costa coffee is on the verge of becoming free from the sort of arsehole that takes advice from Laurence Fox.

After Fox called his army of ‘divorced Dad’ followers to boycott Costa because… * checks notes * … they are implementing the legally required processes to operate in… Ireland.

Non-moron Simon Williams told us, “What we have here is a case of a contrarian moron-herder who seemingly only exists to find new things to be offended by.

“Calling for a boycott of Costa in the UK because they are following the law in Ireland is peak Laurence Fox. The fact that he is proud he got the hashtag to trend is just the chef’s kiss, because clearly he is more interested in being noticed, than in being right.

“Even if Costa were requiring a vaccine passport (which they’re not), surely a boycott by the very people they wouldn’t serve is exactly what they would want? Seriously, these people are so dumb.”

A Costa spokesperson told us, “No, you don’t need a vaccine passport to get service in Costa here in the UK, only the poor-informed and those trying to willfully mislead the terminally gullible would believe such a thing.

“Yes, we follow the law in the countries we operate in, just like we do here in London, which means in Ireland we have different requirements to the UK.  But – and I can’t believe we have to say this – we don’t make the laws. We’re a coffee shop.

“Still, London is a city of nine million potential customers, so if the 47,000 of them who voted for Laurence Fox in the London Mayoral election would prefer not to buy coffee in our stores, then I think we could use that as a selling point.

“Imagine being able to buy coffee and guaranteeing that you won’t bump into the sort of twat who goes around insisting Laurance Fox is right about anything?”

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