Friday 30 July 2021 by Mark Molloy

X Factor forced to cancel after Simon Cowell finally disappears up his own arse


Simon Cowell disappears up his own arse

ITV has been forced to cancel X Factor it has been revealed today, after its creator and head judge Simon Cowell dramatically disappeared up his own arse.

With news emerging that ITV did not have any plans for a new series of the show, further revelations have now come to light that the main reason for the decision to cancel the series is that Simon Cowell has actually vanished right up inside his own anal sphincter.

A spokesperson for ITV confirmed “Yes, he’s completely gone right up his own arse I’m afraid.

“It was always going to happen at some point, obviously. He’s such a smug twat and genuinely believes he is the best thing in the world.

“So for him to actually disappear up his own arse was always going to be the inevitable end for the show.

“We did consider trying to continue the show using David Walliams as the new head judge instead.

“But unfortunately he has already been stuck up his own arse for approximately three years now, so that’s not possible.”

Amanda Holden was unavailable to comment due to currently being halfway up her own arse.

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