New Doctor Who to be bigoted sociopath who hates foreigners

author avatar by 3 years ago

Following the shock news that Jodie Whittaker is to leave the role of Doctor Who, the show’s producers have revealed that, in keeping with modern sentiment, her replacement will be a bigoted sociopath who despises anyone who isn’t middle-class and white.

The surprise move comes after years of one of television’s most popular characters being a wise, kind and decent Gallifreyan.

“There doesn’t seem to be a great deal of appetite for wisdom and kindness these days,” said a Doctor Who insider.

“So, the new Doctor will be a power-hungry careerist bastard who hates foreigners and poor people.”

The regeneration into the new Doctor will take place in this year’s Christmas special and their first adventure will see the new Doctor ignoring requests from the oppressed Garglefargs of Reptina-Four because he would rather ‘look after his own’, and instead take up several ‘advisory’ positions on the boards of several FTSE 100 companies before replacing the Tardis with a BMW.

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The episode will end with the Doctor kicking a homeless refugee in the balls and then lobbying for an end to the Northern Irish protocol.

Michael Gove is said to be ‘extremely interested’ in the role.

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