Friday 30 July 2021 by Mark Molloy

Cornwall f*cking rammed already


Cornwall absolutely rammed

Cornwall is fucking rammed already it is revealed today as almost every single person in England heads there on their summer holiday because there’s absolutely nowhere else to go this year.

With holidays abroad still not a reasonable option for millions of families across the country hoping to get away over the summer holiday period, Cornwall has recorded an 8564% increase in visitors already compared to its already ridiculously high level of tourists.

Father of three, Simon Williams, who arrived earlier today told us, “Fucking rammed already mate, absolute bedlam.

“I’ve only been here for two hours and already I’ve had enough. This is after a 17-hour car journey just to pissing get here, with an average speed of 8 miles per hour on the A-roads leading in.

“We’ve spent 45 minutes queuing for ice cream, and the rest of the time trying not to bump into people whilst heading down to find a couple of square inches free on the beach.

“I’m just hoping I can relax later and go for a nice meal in a restaurant with the family and a couple of relaxing drinks.”

Asked if he has booked in anywhere, due to the apparent 3-week wait for a table in a number of the popular eateries, he told us, “Oh for f…”

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