Thursday 29 July 2021 by Jack Marshall

Twitter to start adding blue dicks to accounts

piers morgan blue dick

Twitter has announced that it plans to start adding blue dick badges to accounts in order to help users spot weapons-grade knobheads.

At the moment, the only way of identifying a twat on the microblogging site is to check their bio for the presence of terms such as “anti-woke”, “PC brigade” and “all lives matter”.

However, under the proposed changes, Twitter will add a blue dick badge to accounts belonging to people who spread misinformation, encourage harassment or have tried to start their own political party.

Controversially, accounts with a blue dick badge will have all their tweets labelled with warnings such as “official sources say this is a load of old bollocks” or “why are you reading this nonsense when you could be down the pub with your mates?”

Twitter spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “Yes, we admit, using a dick is a little controversial but we had to find a symbol that a user would see and immediately understand that the Tweet they were reading was made by a complete prick.

“So, it was either a blue dick, or a blue Piers Morgan and we decided to go with the least offensive option.”

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