Twitter to start adding blue dicks to accounts

author avatar by 3 years ago

Twitter has announced that it plans to start adding blue dick badges to accounts in order to help users spot weapons-grade knobheads.

At the moment, the only way of identifying a twat on the microblogging site is to check their bio for the presence of terms such as “anti-woke”, “PC brigade” and “all lives matter”.

However, under the proposed changes, Twitter will add a blue dick badge to accounts belonging to people who spread misinformation, encourage harassment or have tried to start their own political party.

Controversially, accounts with a blue dick badge will have all their tweets labelled with warnings such as “official sources say this is a load of old bollocks” or “why are you reading this nonsense when you could be down the pub with your mates?”

Twitter spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “Yes, we admit, using a dick is a little controversial but we had to find a symbol that a user would see and immediately understand that the Tweet they were reading was made by a complete prick.

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“So, it was either a blue dick, or a blue Piers Morgan and we decided to go with the least offensive option.”